I Am Jack’s Complete Lack Of Surprise: My List Of Everything I Feel About This Election


A random mind-dump of everything floating in my brain right now, certainly not a complete list by any means.

I. “Iron Man” Is Getting Old And Buffy The Vampire Slayer Was 20 Years Ago

I first realized that the Democrats were really going to lose this thing when I viewed the first Pro-Hillary (or, anti-Trump) ads by Joss Whedon. You had the high-profile director of Marvel’s The Avengers plus many of the actors from said franchise. These videos should have been a slam-dunk with the masses, right?

But a quick look at the comments section of the video on YouTube revealed a savage take-down and a complete disconnect with the crucial audience Whedon needed to connect with.

Much of that audience was the 20-30 male demographic, the subject of many articles of late. They are described as being frustrated, disaffected, often unable to find a job, often unable to afford to move out of their parents’ house. It was assumed that they would just go ga-ga over THE AVENGERS!!!! but they have passed by that era of geek cuture. Think Suicide Squad, and not The Avengers.

Anyway. When I saw those videos I got really worried. This Keith Olbermann one, too. Massive communication disconnect. Bringing a knife to a gunfight.

II. I’ve ALWAYS Been Living In This America

I’ve felt unsafe as a female during the Reagan years, the Bush 1.0 and 2.0 years, the Clinton years, and the Obama years. It didn’t just start today because of Trump. The rot was always there. It’s that now the filthy bandages have been ripped away.

I’ve had a guy known for being super “pro-feminist” in the comic book industry grope me in my office. You’d never guess who it was in a million years. I’d rather deal with the boors who I can see a mile away, tripping over their own knuckles; that gives me a fighting chance to run.

III. The Shit I Got For Being Pro-Sanders Last Year

Well guess what.

IV. I Was Going To Do A Binding Spell On Trump So He Would Lose

But then I remembered “City On The Edge Of Forever” from Star Trek. Don’t fuck around that way with history. You never know.


I was re-watching The Lego Movie a month ago and when I saw President Business I was like: “oh shit, Trump’s going to win.” Like, the synchronicity with the Simpsons episode where he became president wasn’t enough. But re-watch Lego Movie and don’t tell me you don’t get chills.

VI. Hillary

I liked aspects of her. I do think misogyny played a part in how she was attacked, but I don’t think it explained everything.

Her campaign had this aura of “it’s MY turn.” And it didn’t play to a big enough audience. It didn’t connect on a primal level. She did not connect on a primal level.

The whole DNC failed to understand how primally Trump pushed buttons. They misunderstood this in the most catastrophic way possible.

VII. Twitter

Twitter helped elect Trump. If you are currently tweeting about how this whole election thing sucks, remember that you are supporting a platform that made him president. And don’t give me this thing like “but that’s the only way I can talk to some of my friends.” If Twitter is the only way you can be friends with somebody, then…that’s sad. Then you need new friends.

VIII. Our Echo Chambers

They got them, we got them. I guess that will solve everything.

IX. Trump’s Regime Will Happen At The Same Time Automation Is Slated To Massively Replace Human Workers.

I’m sure he won’t let that happen. I mean, everybody—especially corporate interests—loves the masses of workers and wants to keep spending money on payroll and benefits for them.

But even if the robots replace the workers—at least we won’t be outsourcing jobs. Keeping it in America. MAGA.

X. I’m Not As Outwardly Upset Over This As Others Are, And I Know It Makes Me Look Cold

Look, I’ve been preparing myself for this eventuality for weeks, like a zen exercise. Deep in my gut, I knew—I KNEW—he was going to win. But just like so many other things, I “papered over” my instincts with what I “hoped” would happen. And yesterday, I had this pain in my literal gut all day. Like a metal balloon, in my gut. And everybody was being so chipper and the polls were like “Trump only has 1% of winning” (Huffington) and yet…that big metal balloon in my stomach. And then in the evening I only needed to see the very first returns and I was like:


Really. I just couldn’t even get upset. I’m part of at least 3 demographics of people Trump people target (probably more, if I really think about it). But I never cried or got upset.

I was just like: “I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise.” It sums it up. It’s like Jurassic Park. The dinosaurs, the chaos theory. The poop.

XI. A Brief Word On The Mainstream Media



And that’s it for now. It’s like the Joker—the anarchic Ledger Joker—won the mayorship of Gotham. And there was never any Batman. Not even a shitty Batman. Not even a Clooney Batman. I’m trapped in a mid-90s superhero movie and there’s no hero.

But surprised? I’m not. Nah.