I Buried My Heart At Jurassic Park


I’ll put it to you straight: I just got laid off Tuesday in a company-wide thing, and I’m as distracted as hell. Hoping to get back to the regular rhythm of the blog shortly—and really, what else do I have to do right now?

But let me tell you about how much I love Ian Malcolm.

First of all, Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park is my fucking hero. It’s a tribute to Spielberg that he didn’t just kill off “The Cynic” or make him have some sudden revelation at the end that the world was all unicorns and rainbows.

In Malcolm I recognize a kindred spirit. His attitude and philosophy really mirrors my own. People ask me what I think of politics, entertainment, technology, the future of our species, and I’m like: “Chaos theory chaos theory chaos theory: this is my prediction. You can’t hold back nature.”

And I don’t feel guilty for being this cynical. I’m not even sure it’s really cynicism. If anything, it’s more a necessary counterpoint to extreme optimism—just one more opinion in a sea of opinions.

I could never be a Captain Kirk of a thing…or an Alan Grant. I’m second- or probably more like third-billed. And I’m OK like that. I’m a Dr. McCoy. I’m kinda grumpy like that.

True to form, I sensed weeks—even months—previously that this layoff would happen. To the point where I had processed all the emotions already. So when it actually happened, I felt sort of emotionless. But I’m not emotionless. I’m just sort of living weeks or even months ahead of schedule.

But these things are sad even if you feel you’ve “pre-lived” them. Lots of emotions. I feel like I’m talking like Trump right now. “Lots of emotions. Very sad emotions. Yuge emotions. Hillary’s fault, wiretapping.”

I literally prayed at the start of March that if this website was meant to be, that my hits would increase from 1,500 the previous month to 2,000. Instead, they almost doubled, to 2,800. As of the last several days, my daily hits have increased from around 80 to 300 a day.

I feel like I’m doing the right thing. Is this too optimistic of me?

Well, you know what they say: