Fun With Facebook

I’m so bad with stuff like Facebook that I signed up for FB Messenger and I don’t even understand it. Right after I signed up they sort of congratulated me for having like 102 Instagram followers and I didn’t even sign up for Instagram and I was like:


All I wanted was to check my FB messages on my phone. That’s it. Telling me I have 30, 60 people ready to talk to me RIGHT NOW!!!! is like:


And then I OK’d a couple new friends on the regular account and they were like: “yes, now they are ready to talk to you RIGHT NOW on Messenger RIGHT NOW THIS VERY SECOND” and I was like:


And then I was discussing my landlord today—just with words, at the house—and then like two hours later my Facebook shows me some random friend suggestion for my landlord and I’m like:


Which means: my Facebook either through my phone or my computer is listening to me. No joke. I audibly spelled out this guy’s name today in my house to write him a rent check and two hours later FB is offering him as a friend. So what’s up with THAT?

I’m a friendly person. Really. But I really have to go slow with all this. I have a degree of social anxiety. It’d be great if FB would be like…”noooo problem, let’s all just go at our own pace; mosey on over whenever” and “we are totally not eavesdropping on your conversations about your landlord or a certain brand of organic soup or whatever.”