My entire life, I have had the strange knack of being able to “anticipate” endings. You could say, I can “see” the spoilers of Life.
I seem to have always had this knack, ever since I was a child—but back then, I didn’t understand what exactly I was sensing. When I was 12, my father was driving me to school one morning when I suddenly sensed that something was really, really wrong. I told him I was not feeling well and he took me home. Since he worked at night, I spent the entire day watching television with him.
He died that night at work.
I could sense the impending “ending” regarding people. Shortly before Princess Diana’s death, I was watching with my roommate some footage of some charity auction she had donated to. My roommate said that I suddenly blurted out: “She’s getting rid of her dresses because she’s going to die soon and she doesn’t need them anymore.” I wasn’t even 100% aware I had even said this—it just sort of “came out.” Shortly after that, Diana perished in a car accident.
As you can tell, this is all rather fucking creepy. I have learned, over the years, to keep my pronouncements of “doom” largely the fuck to myself. Even on this site, which often looks at issues of the paranormal and metaphysical, I resist the impulse to flat-out “predict” certain things.
And part of why I resist that is because it’s certainly not a “fool-proof science” by any stretch of the imagination. For example, the worst thing you can do, if you are a tarot reader or psychic-for-hire, is proclaim that your client is going to meet some sort of dastardly fate. Because then you’ve “planted” that idea in them. Even if you are wrong, that idea could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. And even if you’re right…what good would it really do?
That’s why I try to not focus on the “big” spoilers anymore and instead play “the restaurant game.”
“The restaurant game” is this quiet, I think relatively harmless thing where I can sense the impending closing of a restaurant or bar; though it also extends to other business-like things such as stores, movie box-office returns (whether it will bomb), and TV show cancellations. I try to see how accurate I can predict these things—if it is a bar, within how many months it will close, if it’s a movie by how many millions of dollars will it fall short, if it’s a TV show how many episodes it will run before getting pulled.
The worst is when I am actually working for a company, have my life pretty much in order, and then sense the company is heading for bankruptcy or some similar type of crisis. If I’m really happy at the job, I like to tell myself that everything I have just written in this post so far is absolute bullshit & everything is just fine.
But if I ignore my intuition on this type of thing, I also start dreaming about it. Which was the case with one of the happiest jobs I ever had. I was having intuitions for a while that it was about to go under; but I ignored them. Then I had a dream that we were all called into the office conference room and presented with a big pizza cut in dozens of tiny thin slices. All my co-workers in the dream took their slice and ran away. That morning in the office (in real life) we were all called into the conference room and told that the business was doing a massive downsizing which meant that most of us were let go; we were handed our severance packets & went our separate ways.
Had I really listened to my intuition regarding this job, I might have better prepared for the lay-offs. I repeatedly ignored my intuition, which meant that I eventually received the “HEY MORON, THIS SHIT IS ENDING!!!!” dream.
This type of intuition also tends to get ignored regarding interpersonal matters. I had dated a guy a long time ago, when I was in my twenties, and received a number of dreams and intuitions that not only was our relationship doomed, but that he was seeing another woman. I ignored all of that. But then I was watching this production of Medea (not to be confused with “Madea”) in the park and suddenly that intuition hit really strong: “your relationship is ending and he’s seeing another woman.” Like, I almost “heard” that. And I knew at that moment that this was true; and shortly afterwards I found out it was true.
Actually, having that bit of a “heads-up” helped me with the process of dealing with the break-up. I wasn’t as angry as I would have been, settling more for a sort of surly resignation. And I was also able “contextualize” (and maybe that was just a coping mechanism on my part, but whatever) the breakup as something that was “meant to be” in the larger scheme of things—because how else could I have “seen” in before it happened? That meant that life was not this random jumble of accidents, but something that was perhaps “pre-written.”
One of the most common ways I get this sort of intuition is when I look at celebrities. I can “read” the doomedness on celebrities. I’m not speaking so much about actual dying, but just a general downward slope; a “trajectory,” if you will.
But that brings me to a possible explanation for the entire phenomenon I just described to you: that I’m just particularly good at reading “clues.”
For example, in the restaurant game: maybe what I had picked up regarding a “doomed” eatery was just a bunch of telltale “mundane” signs. The dwindling number of patrons in the restaurant. Aspects of the restaurant that were falling in disrepair but not being fixed. A reduction in staff. A drop in food quality. Even the extra lines of worry in the owner’s face. I was good at noticing all those clues—both obvious and subtle—and had made a quick, almost instantaneous calculation.
The human body can only consciously pick up a very small fraction of all the stimuli out there in the world—if we comprehended it all at once our heads would look like Toht at the end of Raiders Of The Lost Ark, so we have “filters” to block most of that stuff out and only focus on what is important.
But if we were to just “widen” the holes on those filters a bit…would we be able to see and comprehend more?
At any rate, it doesn’t take a Nostradamus to see some celebrity known for being an alcoholic and drug addict and suddenly proclaim: “It’s looking BAD for that dude!!!”
Rather, it’s the more out-of-the-blue intuitions that I’m concerned with.
Very recently, I stumbled across a self-help video on YouTube that was listed as “suggested” on my homepage. Considering that my viewing matter for the past week had consisted mostly of vinyl record collecting videos, cult movie reviews, and Mama’s Family, it sort of stuck out like a sore thumb.
And so I watched this video, really related a lot to this rather charismatic woman, and I got a lot out of what she was saying. In fact, I really had this “peak” moment where I thought this was all “fate”—and I was super-hyped to buy her books and lessons and go down the path she was describing.
But as I was watching this, my intuition began picking up on things—and I think almost picked a fight with me:
Intuition: She says she’s healed, but she’s not. There is something terribly wrong.
Me: Nah, you’re full of shit.
Intuition: No, I’m serious—something is really wrong here!
Me: Can’t you just let me enjoy something for ONCE on my life? Buzz off.
Intuition: Shut the video off & please go to sleep.
Right after the video was over, I began looking for more videos, and immediately found one that said, in the title, that this speaker had died. And not only had she died, but in a relatively short time after recording the video. And then I looked up how she died, and it was like this MASSIVE rabbit hole of multiple factors, controversy, and tragedy.
It was a shocking “twist ending” I had not anticipated (or at least part of me had not anticipated).
Ol’ fucking creepy intuition struck again.
Having written all this, it should come as no surprise to you that I am almost incapable of avoiding spoilers for various movies and TV shows. Rather than avoid them, I purposely search for them; obsessively so. I just have to know.
I just have to know how it ends.
More to read about on Butterfly Language:
Anatomy Of A Coincidence
Anatomy Of A Coincidence, Part 2: The Wallet
“Waking Life,” the Movie That Got Me Hooked On Philip K. Dick