The Trip

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I took these notes on December 13, 1996. The night before, I had the described experience. These notes are presented here unedited. 

“The Trip”

Paralysis/Frequency/Wash of energy/things moving behind me—rustling noise behind my bed. I heard the rustling and thought—oh, shit! Shit!

After the noises, paralysis, and a hearing a frequency, blasted in my ear…a noise like radio being tuned, punctuated by a knocking noise, a knocking noise at steady intervals. I couldn’t move, my tongue felt heavy, I couldn’t think straight. I felt like I was being washed by energy, immersed in more energy than I could handle. Experiencing energy like a vibration, a humming—

Experiencing this I thought—I must be having a stroke. That explains this. A brain hemorrhage.

I jumped out of my body and onto the street in front of my house. Outside it looked just like it would look outside this time of night, dark, cold, outline of trees, light reflected off of wet pavement. But I’m not moving normally, though it is my first instinct to do so. I’m walking backwards, like I’m going back in time, or am operating in reversed time, or something is pulling me back. Back in my room, I am looking at my room, but it is like not really looking at my room, things are slightly different and weird. I’m back in my body in a sense—the ceiling is leaking water, cold water that drips onto my foot, startling me, waking me up from all of it. There really wasn’t any water, it was just a way to bring me out of this experience, a safety alarm.

Going back to sleep, it happens again, the paralysis and the sounds, but less seriousness, I feel that I can get out of this one much easier. The worst part of it was feeling washed over with energy, then looking into a strange mirror, like a shaman might do—a mirror fuzzy and awash in swirling energy, I see my reflection but it quickly becomes distorted, my jaw elongating, fangs, like a vampire or a snake. In my desperation to make sense out of everything, staring into the mirror far too intently, seeing little grey aliens and knowing deep down with a feeling of fear that it is just me trying to put a pat answer to something bigger than that—it wasn’t these very “X-Files” aliens I see in the mirror. Their figures are just what would be the most pat answer, then join an alien abduction group, yippie, everything is solved and documented…no. Not aliens, not like those. Nothing pat like that. But something, definitely.

I wake up, shaken, but not as upset as one would think I might be. The sense of enormousness and confusion and anger visited me later that day, as went about my business and thought about how I can be doing normal things after something like that. In my bed after all of it had happened, I did reevaluate my beliefs, the purpose of my life, my fears, everything. Everything that I took so seriously before just did not have that same seriousness anymore—I could take on things without thinking, jump into the flames without thinking, because my narrow previous view of the world had been challenged.