“Do you see? Two superpowers retreating from war. I’ve saved the Earth from hell.”
On such an august occasion as the apparent truce between North and South Korea, I thought it would be apropos to discuss my Giant Squid Theory Of International Relations. Let us turn now to the 1987 graphic novel Watchmen.
In Watchmen, international mogul and “the world’s smartest man” Ozymandias hatches a plan to finally bring peace to the world—a giant deadly squid that decimates the heart of New York City. (note: in the 2008 movie of the same name, Dr. Manhattan himself replaces the squid as the “event.”) Faced with such a Lovecraftian, mind-bending, pants-shitting seemingly “black swan” event as the giant squid, all the leaders of the world decide to join together and set aside their conflicts.
It is my theory that Donald Trump is the giant squid.
This might seem like a put-down on the President, but it all depends on how you look at it. Indeed, Trump is, largely, responsible for the truce between NK and SK.
NK and SK decided to bury the hatchet because neither of them could depend on the United States to not put their collective citizenry in the path of a flaming nuclear death. Had the United States decided to suddenly declare war on North Korea and preemptively bombed the country, NK would have immediately killed scores—fuck “scores,” I mean like hundreds of thousands—of South Korean citizens both with missiles and simply by marching hungry angry troops past the DMZ into Seoul.
Because of how unpredictable and mentally unstable Trump seemed, South Korea could not count on the U.S. to not suddenly go “cuckoo for cocoa puffs” and just start this war, resulting in a heavy loss of SK life.
But let’s not put all the “blame” on Trump regarding this situation; he is the cartoonish giant squid, after all. American international policy has largely been of the “start wars elsewhere” variety for the last 100 years at least. Start wars overseas filled with incredible misery for the (often, largely non-white) citizens involved; while the U.S. citizenry, outside of the unfortunates who are drafted or have enlisted, remain largely untouched and free to watch I Love Lucy, Gilligan’s Island, The Love Boat, and The Simpsons.
Of particular interest is the genesis of the Korean War itself, which sprang out of the founding of the United Nations. A 1944 article in Foreign Affairs called for “a trusteeship for Korea…assumed not by a particular country, but a group of Powers, say, the United States, Great Britain, China, and Russia.” But of course…things were not quite that simple. By seriously meddling with the sovereignty of this particular region—albeit under the stated mission of world peace—tremendous carnage and suffering for the Korean people—as well as U.S. and other international troops—resulted
But the calm, measured voice of the “president-as-respected-statesman” always sort of “reassured” SK that the U.S. had their back (whether or not that was really true)…until we had President Giant Squid, who threatened “fire and fury” and was seemingly keen on starting WWIII via Twitter and also seemingly didn’t give a fuck and was willing to see everything burn.
At which point, SK was like “fuck this shit, I’ll take my chances with NK.”
But by comparing Trump to the giant squid of Watchmen, am I saying that he was “purposely created” for such a purpose by entities unknown?
Well…apparently former president Bill Clinton “casually encouraged” Trump to run for president less than a year before the latter’s presidential campaign began in 2016. Then there is the leaked April 2015 DNC memo discussing how “elevating” Trump would be a good strategic move for their overall strategy.
Nowadays Trump is cast—through a great deal of his own actions, to be sure—in the role of comic book villain and general giant squid-like individual. My question: did Bill Clinton not know what type of person Trump really was when he encouraged him to run for President of the United States of America? Or the DNC in regards to “elevating” Trump? And let’s not let the RNC off the hook either here.
Trump’s shortcomings and sketchy connections were not secrets. This is not a case of Bill Cosby being “America’s Dad” and then we’re all shocked that he’s really an asshole. How much of a “mask” did Trump really put up? The combined might of America’s FBI and CIA and nobody could “predict” that he’d be up to his ears in shadiness and impulsive behavior? Nobody could have looked up Trump’s old Howard Stern Show interviews? It stretches the imagination.
But what do I know? I’m just a science-fiction and satire writer. I can create a 10-part mini-series about the lint and assorted loose change in your pocket.