And so…I believe right before the start of April, I was writing about how April is this “horrible, no-good scary month” for me traditionally. And it was. Actually, the past month-and-a-half has been like a giant stone wall pressing into my chest and threatening to squash me into atoms. A “near-death experience,” metaphorically speaking.
Astrologically, it all fit. I know astrology isn’t for everybody, but the one for my sign basically said that for the past 7 years all my finances and stability/security was screwed up because of where the planet Uranus was. Reading the full explanation—and already having a built-in prejudice against the word “Uranus” because it either sounds like “urine” or “anus”—it all made sense to me.
But as of May 15—the New Moon, to boot—Uranus would move into Taurus, a sign it has not been in since like the 1930s or something. And according to the exact placements, now actually Uranus would help me shake the cobwebs and restart my career/mission/life.
As I was busy having a stone wall grind into my chest, this astrological “promise” sounded good to me. But when you’re desperate, you’ll believe anything, I suppose.
So I decided to move forward on my own initiative (a novel idea) and shake up things in my life myself. I reconnected with some old friends. I went to places I would not normally think to go to. I threw out a massive amount of junk, and put a bunch of stuff on eBay. And I just sort of… “confronted” things I had left unfinished. “One day, I’ll definitely do this” —so I went and did those things.
And I had also put on eBay an old piece of original art a comic book artist had given me a long time ago. He had told me that if ever I was in a jam, to just toss it on eBay and not look back. This artist has sadly since passed on, a couple of years ago. The piece he had given me was about a woman having self-respect and feeling empowered. As I could barely feed my cats at that point (and distinctly could feel at least one of them nibbling on my toes as I tried to sleep), I felt that now was the time to finally let that piece go.
It went for over 3 times what I expected it to. The buyer was extremely nice, and I was super-greatful. At the same time, I was finally getting some traction on my job search—literally, doors that were closed for me were opening. People seemed to be extremely helpful. And the energy that seemed so “stuck” suddenly loosened.
I had been very sad for about a year. I had been working for a “philanthropic” company that was very well-intentioned (and probably a little too emotionally intimate with its workers), and suddenly it just collapsed last April and nobody got paid and it was just like: agh! I was so depressed. I felt that stone wall on my chest, even then. And all this blocked energy.
And I must have cried this past month-and-a-half a lot. And with every cry—that stuck energy loosened. And with every box full of crap from the bowels of my storage that I pulled out, the energy loosened. And with every raw post I just banged out on this site, the energy loosened.
And it’s still a process to this very minute. The process is far from over. I’m still getting weird resonances and coincidences that are leading to further progress, further loosening of energy.
I mean, I’m not going to dress this all up in a manic sort of super-positive “IT’S SMOOOOTH SAILING FROM HERE!” type thing and say that there aren’t going to be any other speed-bumps or whatever. But the energy did change—I did feel it change—so that’s something, at least.
We’ll see. I mean, nobody really knows how the future will be like; we can only write fan-fiction about it.
And rest in peace, Margot Kidder/Lois Lane