BL’s Journal, 5/21/18

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Drama Witholder

Was talking to somebody over FB Messenger last night—who I’ll call “Bill”—he kept bringing up this person who had publicly cyberharassed me years ago. I told Bill that this person probably had some sort of abuse or fucked-up situation in his past, because people normally don’t demonstrate that type of behavior. That there probably are people who were born stone-cold evil for no reason at all, but in my experience/observation some sort of abuse (witnessed/experienced) usually is in the past of an abuser.

But I kept feeling as if giving Bill this answer “frustrated” him in some way…as if, at nearly 11 at night, he wanted me, instead, to rant or get upset or say how bad I felt.

In short: I kept feeling like he wanted drama from me.

#1 Law Of Humans: humans generally want drama, not potential answers.

“Why is this world in such bad shape?” Don’t give any type of workable answer in response, but instead passionately blame some person or group or ideology. See: now you’re learning!

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Item: Arizona will have a statewide drill to see how they’ll handle picking up 400,000 terrified displaced Southern Californians in the case of a catastrophic earthquake.

Item: In response to a dwindling birth rate, China will stop their “one child only” policy and will instead actively encourage their citizens to have as many babies as possible.

Item: Google removes its “don’t be evil” clause in its corporate code of conduct.

Item: Scientists “transplant” memories from one sea slug to another via injection.

Item: China has just launched a satellite to explore the dark side of the moon, the first step in eventually landing on that area.

Item: A house smaller than the width of a human hair was just built using nano-robots in France.

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The Traffic Dream

I had a dream last night that I had to get this line of people—or sort of, in the dream-state iconography, “people” (a cross between like the Starchild from 2001 and jellyfish)—out of the middle of traffic. I saw them standing in the middle of the highway, linking hands, not knowing what to do; or not even fully realizing the mess they were in.

And so I felt responsible to help them, but I was also like…

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But then I was like: Jesus, they’re gonna get hit by those cars if I don’t get them out of the way.

And so I had to delicately lead them out of traffic.

Pondering this dream, I thought back to the post I wrote yesterday about picking up the snails and worms from sidewalks and driveways.

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The Closed Pub

This bar in my neighborhood closed recently. A very nice person owned it, and she valiantly made an effort to turn it into a hub for the arts and community get-togethers.

From the moment that bar opened several years ago, I knew it was going to close.

I knew it was going to not be a bar that would be around for a long time, but instead one that would close within a few years. And it wasn’t about anything “wrong” the bar did—I could just feel it, like this overwhelming thing. While everyone else was joyous and smiling and talking of plans for the future, I was like, in my head: “Man, this place is going to close.”

How can such an intuition truly be useful? And isn’t the point all the great memories and experiences the bar had while it was still open?

I’m thinking about this now because I’m going through my journals randomly, and looking at some photos from one of the bar’s art exhibits: a triptych of Vishnu, Bacchus, and Horus.

Man, I always felt like such a vulture to have that sort of intuition, from the very beginning. I was like: “What the fuck is wrong with me?” And I’ve had this intuition about many bars and restaurants and shops over the years. I can always tell which ones are going to “make it.” And which ones aren’t.

I mean…can’t I use that for something more practical like the stock market?

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