8.31.18

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I don’t have a super-large amount of time to write this before I go to work, but I did want to briefly touch on a few things.

To the person who recently sent me a donation—thank you! It is very appreciated.

To the person who sent me a very well-timed lovely note—thank you! I will respond to it in a couple of days when I get my head together.

For about the past three weeks, I’ve been contacted by a person I used to know. I have had to admit to myself this morning that he is currently suffering from a severe mental breakdown, complete with paranoia, hearing voices, and etc.—and that the only way he is going to get better is to get services to deal with it. I have had to admit to myself that there is no amount of empathy, trying to explain things logically, or anything else that’s going to help this situation other than him at least temporarily getting on some sort of medication. I had a fantasy that maybe he could merely change his diet to help…and I think, to some extent, if he didn’t have such a chaotic situation at present & instead had the resources to do so, such a change might have at least helped. But this, I realize at 6:30 in the morning, is all a fantasy.

He expressed the belief that every single thing I wrote on my blog was a coded message to him personally. He expressed the belief that I had wired his home with surveillance tools & that he could sue me for millions; he helpfully sent me a link to the legal firm he was going to use to achieve this. Despite the fact that he accused me of these things, he would at other times be quite nice to me. I have had to admit to myself at 6:45 in the morning that the only way he is going to get better is to get the services he needs, something I know he doesn’t want to hear.

I’m not writing this all to embarrass him. I am writing this because I am incredibly concerned about his well-being, but I am not in a place geographically, financially, or emotionally to properly help him. I am writing this because I’m incredibly sad that someone who was/is so intelligent, who had expressed such a desire to help other people, is currently in this situation.

An additional factor in all this is something I’ve written on this blog a number of times. And that is the possible negative effects of spiritual practices and other esoteric philosophies on the human psyche. Whatever happened to this person, I know that some of the various esoteric modalities that he—and I—practiced did not help his condition. I know that in his condition, scrolling through any number of conspiracy websites only made things worse. This is not a screed against spiritual practices, conspiracy theories, or anything else-—I believe people should have the freedom to engage in all those things.

But what I am saying is that caution needs to be taken. And/or: that we need to at least admit to ourselves that some level of caution needs to be taken.

I don’t know if he’s been finally picked up; locked up; had found one of his local friends to help him like I suggested. I just don’t know. I don’t know if responding to his messages have only made things worse; that if that outlet wasn’t there, maybe he’d get help faster. I just don’t know. I have no idea what is going on & I’m not sure I am the best person to help.

It has been tempting to just stop writing publicly, on this site; to feel like if I only stopped writing, maybe his condition would get better. But writing on sites like these is how I have learned to survive mentally. I can’t sacrifice myself completely.

Somebody has to be left around to write these stories, to record what has happened.