9.9.18

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“You are allowed to be alive. You are allowed to be somebody different. You are allowed not to say goodbye to anybody or explain a single thing to anyone, ever.”
–Augusten Burroughs

Dream: I was trapped in this subterranean hell-like world by a demon. A fight with a technological gargoyle type thing. I kept wanting to go home, but it had me trapped. Finally it was defeated, this devil-like master of the realm who is tall and with horns on his head. He is thrown and/or falls off the cliff into the pits below.

Then we read of these soldiers who were also trapped in these lower realms for a long time, and finally get to go home, celebrating by drinking really good Scotch.

Finally, the last book of the series, featuring this amorphous creature that looks like animated soil, called “Origin Of Species”. 

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I’m not an astrological expert, but I do keep up with some basic trends in the movement of heavenly bodies across the universe. Today is a New Moon in the sign of Virgo. It’s also the start of the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah. On Friday, on the roof of my workplace, I found a large collection of yellow fuzzy caterpillars. It feels like a “caterpillar energy”-—of new beginnings.

My journals often refer to things that only have relevancy years later, on that exact date. I know that sounds really weird, but welcome to my life.

From this day in 2015:

Listened to Manly P. Hall talk about the spiritual evolution of man, and that it’s about leaving the physical behind and embracing the non-physical. And it really struck home to me, really addressed the stuff I wrote earlier in the night.

I had spent so much of my life seeking a divinity in human relationships that I should have sought in the actual divine.

That’s part of why the hunger was so great, the desperation and the feeling like nothing quite lived up. Because I was seeking a spiritual communion. And it truly was, in a number of cases, a pearls trampled by swine scenario.

How the romantic ideal was a fairytale encouraged to, at first, keep the peasants procreating; then, to sell stuff in a post-birth control society. The romantic ideal sold beauty products, cars, movies, jewelry, greeting cards, flowers, alcohol, and just the idea of the the Society itself.

Once we break out of this myth…we become kind of radical. People become shocked that you could even think of living without it…they assure you that you’ll change your mind one day. Your refusal to believe the myth really upsets them—that’s how much the myth is used to control society.

Then there are those who loudly reject the romantic myth, and instead push for having sex with tons of partners…but none of that “strings attached” stuff. As if that was truly possible. As if that attitude doesn’t create tons of its own problems. There are still entanglements in that scenario…just different types of entanglements.

We should be our own “lovers” first, before any other relationship.

We must practice and see if we can find that romantic (read: divine) ideal within ourselves first, before turning to others to satisfy (or fail to satisfy) it.

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Random quote:

“Sri Krishna waited a long time before he showed Arjuna his actual shape. He wanted to spare him. The true shape, that of the universal destroyer, emerged at last.

I would not want to make you unhappy by detailing pain, but there is a crucial sort of difference between pain and the narration of pain. I am telling you what happened. If there is vicarious pain in knowing, there is actual peril in not knowing. In aversion lies a colossal risk.”
–Philip K. Dick, “The Transmigration Of Timothy Archer”

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To me…it’s not so much about Politics, anymore, or even Ideology.

What we are seeing in the public eye, in the meltdowns of these figures; these raging figures; this is something astrological.

It seems political. But I think it’s astrological.

It’s like a procession of something, spiraling into these tighter and tighter corkscrew concentric circles.

And we can choose to fight it. But if we’re feeling vulnerable or compromised in any way, it’s OK to at least step back from the platform edge and just keep away from the Tightening Spiral.

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