11.10.18

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“Judo and many other of the self-defensive arts of the Orient are concerned with a peculiar kind of courage; a courage that must be completely removed from anxiety and fear. If fear exists, the individual is weakened by the rise of a terror within himself, and therefore usually comes to disaster in his own day and in his own way. So in judo before the artist achieves the highest grades of the art, he must be killed. His teacher kills him. His teacher performs certain structural pressures upon the body to stop the heart; and the heart is allowed to be stopped for a certain number of seconds, for one or two minutes. Then the master resuscitates the disciple by applying pressure to other parts of the body, according to the higher grades of judo. And in this case, the person who has been killed lives again; remembers and knows what happened to him, and realizes that his fear of death was ungrounded. That the fear of transition, that might make him coward in this world, is simply an illusion in his own mind. That actually, transition was just as reasonable, natural, and normal as any act of life. And that there was no interruption—the individual never ceased—to be an individual being, whether in-body or out of it.”
–Manly P. Hall, “The Initiation Of The Pyramid” (I think)

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I’m sort of “doubling-down” on my intent to utilize this site as a type of online shamanic exercise. It doesn’t mean I won’t still be adding more “informative” articles (you know: important info such as whether The Gong Show’s Chuck Barris was an assassin for the CIA), but as this blog organically grows, I need to stop every once in a while and recognize what is “working” for me & where this all seems to be headed.

I can’t sleep at the moment, and certainly the coffee I drank right before going to bed did not help in the matter. I’m not sure how I think such an action is going to lead to my desired result, but still I do it.

I find the fires in California to be unnerving; but yet I find this entire news cycle to be unnerving. This particular area of CA had already seen a wound in the “Borderline” mass shooting; now “Paradise” is on fire. I did a little bit of stichomancy (random quote pulling) earlier this evening, and I found this one from Kurt Vonnegut’s Galapagos:

“As far as humanity was concerned, all wounds were about to become very permanent. And high explosives weren’t going to be a branch of show business anymore.”

And it creeped me out a bit, and it’s part of a larger “pull” of quotes from various books this evening and the whole thing creeped me out actually.

There seems to be an interconnectedness to things. The United States, at the moment, seems to be very sick; at this very basic core level. And the sickness is spreading, and the earth is literally shaking, trembling.

There seems to be an interconnectedness to things; how I resolve my life’s quandaries seems to have an impact outside of me. As crap and as narrow-minded and cruel as I think a good portion of contemporary mainstream Society is—the fact is, I have not taken full responsibility for my life. As crap a deal as I feel I have sometimes received throughout my life—the fact is, I have not taken full responsibility for my life.

Here is a quote from Abraham Hicks:

“You cannot have a desire that is on one frequency and a belief that is on another frequency, and have there be any communication, any realization or any manifestation.”

To square away one’s frequency and one’s actions: that’s about taking responsibility. 

I know who I am, and what my purpose is: but I don’t want to take full responsibility for it. I’m afraid that I’ll lose my friends, if they know; but I’ve already “lost” them. They find my esoteric beliefs weird, what I read and what I choose to concern myself with; but I’ve always been this way. I’ve only tried to…curate myself, for a long period of time. I’ve “curated” myself, because I felt it was my responsibility to do so. But in the process: I’ve abdicated my true responsibility.

I’ve been afraid that I would lose everything by dropping the facade; but how can you love a phantom? How can you truly be friends with a phantom? How can you inspire others by being a phantom? How is there any weight behind the words of a phantom?

***

In De Vinculis, the little personal book of dreams/writings/etc. I created for myself several years ago, I entered a dream that I believe is clearly about the procession of the ages:

Dream: 2009

A long cosmic fist-fight between Supergirl and a blue-skinned woman. They had this battle in outerspace, with the planets as a backdrop. An epic story.

Then, I am in the bookstore & I find a book about this blue-skinned woman…how she is wrapped up in a prophecy, a prophecy about eras in time.

And this is all clearly about the Kali Yuga; about the procession of the ages, this eternal “battle.” The blue-skinned woman is Kali.

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And here I dream of deep archetypal symbolism without as-of-yet studying the concepts in “real,” conscious life. The symbolism exists within the grand soup of the Collective independent of my conscious intellectual encounters with them.

Additionally, the dream utilized a pop-cultural reference “it” knew I would recognize: a comic book character, Supergirl.

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The Kali archetype is millennia old (probably even older than that, if we consider her a primal “dark goddess” symbol)—and yet Dream pairs it with a relatively nascent icon. I find this fascinating, and it is hardly the first time it has happened; indeed, it is probably one of the key themes of this site.

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There is the Progression of the Ages over the course of a Universe; and a parallel phenomenon in the life of every individual. Quod est inferius est sicut quod est superius.