12.31.18: The Unending Potential Interpretations

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“I have no idea where this will lead but I have the feeling it will be a place both wonderful & strange.”
—Agent Cooper in the cave, “Twin Peaks”

***

Well, I’m not sure I have the energy to give you my full “year in review,” but just to update you:

I presently have a kind local lawyer, and a kind local accountant, to help me sort all that terrifying financial stuff out.

My health insurance starts tomorrow, callooh callay. (Because we live in a civilized society where people limp around with all sorts of chronic maladies until the blessed health insurance kicks in.)

My job future is uncertain; though, to be honest, it didn’t seem to have much of a future regardless (see: health insurance, and lack thereof).

I just saw Hereditary for the first time a couple of days ago. I had only seen parts of it up to that point. Basically, it was on my “too scary to watch” list of horror movies; one scene in particular, at the end, sounded so bananas on paper that I didn’t even know how they would film something of that advanced level of grotesquerie. (It was indeed bananas visually as well.)

I hesitate to say that Hereditary was…a “life-changing” movie. Because: it’s bananas.

But…

If you’ve watched the entire movie, you know what I’m talking about.

It’s the esoteric movie flashpoint of the moment, and easily on the level of The Shining (blasphemy I know) in terms of the unending potential interpretations.

A post or series of posts to follow in the near future, certainly.

***

As for my assessment of 2018? I suppose it really required me to get a lot more proactive, assertive, and tough. All not necessarily the worst qualities in the world to develop, if you happen to have a spine the consistency of cooked vermicelli.

I have always avoided conflict in my life as much as (super)humanly possible. Oh sure, I talk about intense shit on my blog sometimes…but I do that for my sanity & I publicize this particular iteration of said blog as little as humanly possible (in order to avoid…CONFLICT!).

But I have avoided conflict to my great detriment at this point. I have avoided it, in part, because I am a coward. And I’ve avoided it because I am scared of my own anger, and probably my own (potential) power as well.

And that stops in 2019. (of course: with the help of therapists, anti-anxiety meds, new age mumbo-jumbo, prayer, exercise, and good old fashioned facing my fears despite brain-numbing pants-shitting terror.)

***

And there you have it.

Have a good New Year’s.

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