1.21.19: The Cosmic Giggle

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“Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member”
–Groucho Marx to the Friar’s Club of Beverly Hills

***

Hello, True Believers. Am I bombarding you with too much content yet? Do you want me to stop?

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I…I just don’t know how to interpret that.

Anyway: I thought today would be a great day to discuss some really uncomfortable crap going on in the world today, and mix that in with some unfounded conspiracy theories, and then mix that with a few helpful aphorisms, and then politely ask you to buy my $75 audio tape set on how to survive the Apocalypse and look goddamn great doing so.

Sound good?

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Oh, YOU!

***

So let’s just rip the Band-Aid off right now: there was a video going around of “Smug MAGA Hat Kid” smiling in the face of an elderly Native American protester (a DAY or so before Martin Luther King’s birthday, to boot).

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Cue massive outrage: certainly, I was one of the people retweeting the clip. Cue massive doxxing, threats, confusion (was the kid going to a Catholic school in Kentucky or Cincinnati? I still don’t fucking know for sure), more confusion (apparently/maybe a different boy was doxxed), etc.

THEN…then, a much longer clip comes out of the situation in question. And now the situation gets…murkier.

Cue:

“Is this another Reddit fuck up like the Boston Marathon?”

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The fallout is:

a) “Right-Wing Media” is now using this as a “badge” to prove that all “Left-Wing Media” is “Fake News.”

b) Some “Left-Wing Media” are sort of flat-out completely ignoring the follow-up to the story they initially reported without full context.

c) Everybody hates each other, the end, The End, THE END.

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I’m not going to attempt to parse out, frame-by-frame, what exactly happened in this incident, who is to blame, and what the penalty should be…but just to say…

Probably, this “Insta-News” thing where my cyber-neighbor forwards me a Thing and I take three seconds to peruse it and then I add my “stamp” of approval and then forward it to my meager band of followers doesn’t work. I’m going to need at least ten seconds before I attempt such a feat again whilst retaining my full integrity.

There. The Band-Aid has been ripped off. Good.

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***

Of course…I say all this as if the majority of human beings aren’t “wired” to automatically “side” on one Side or the other. This has been one of the key failings of my entire life…the refusal to fully recognize Human Nature for what it is, and subsequently cunningly manipulate it for my own success.

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Yes, I do see things in Shades of Grey (just like that fun fan-fiction series)…but that doesn’t sell!!!

BECAUSE MOST HUMANS DON’T THINK THAT WAY.

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Oh dear readers, I do need a gimmick—and quick!

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***

Think about it: every good Batman villain had a gimmick: The Penguin did penguin-type things, The Riddler talked in riddles, The Bookworm wore a hat made of rare book-bindings.

Heck, even Batman had a gimmick. He was a fucking 6+ foot tall bat. Do you think he would have achieved even a modicum of such longterm success with just a hoodie, sunglasses, and a sprawling sorta-reactionary hand-written manifesto clutched between his nicotine-chapped fingers?

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***

Well, for the moment I will just have to sally forth un-gimmicked. It’s doing shit for my Patreon ambitions, I can assure you. But the wrong branding can fuck everything up, you know?

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Let’s instead go back to Astrology (if you believe in such things), and this Super Blood Wolf Moon lunar eclipse we have found ourselves in.

According to the popular astrological “lore” of it, this eclipse is a great time to set your priorities straight and “eclipse out” of your life, Marie Kondo-style, anything that no longer resonates with you and serves you—and that includes beliefs.

And so I will leave you today with that thought, True Believers.

Have a good Monday.

One thought on “1.21.19: The Cosmic Giggle

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