2.22.19: The Friday Lightning Round


“Most of our ancestors were not perfect ladies and gentlemen. The majority of them weren’t even mammals.”
–Robert Anton Wilson

Well, I realized that I’ve posted journal entries this entire week so far. Was not my intention, but it happened. So I figured I’d top it all off with a “lightning round” of opinions on recent topics. Because I’m sure that will go over well.

Trolls post disturbing negative reviews for Captain Marvel:


This is not how you get laid, folks. I’m telling you. Women sense this shit on you, that in your odd hours you write crazy misogynistic shit about movies you’ve never seen on message boards. That said: I have no desire to see Captain Marvel myself. Not because of an “agenda” but because I’m just plain not interested, in a natural, organic sense. And I feel that pretending to be interested, in an effort to be supportive, is a “no good deed goes unpunished” type faux-pas that ends up biting me in the tuchus. So that’s how I feel. But I am NOT the target audience for this movie (though I’m sure Marketing thinks I am), and so my lack of desire to see it is in no way indicative of its quality. And it’s not a gender thing because Suspiria has strong female characters & I like it, and Hereditary has strong female characters and I like it, and even goddamn 3 Women has strong female characters & I like it. It boils down to my own intellectual interests; and it’s not even about superhero material, because for example I’m much more interested in the new Doom Patrol TV show. I yam what I yam.

Jussie Smollett:


I’m going to pat myself on the back—literally, reaching behind my body and making hesitant, flailing pats on my back—for COMPLETELY AVOIDING THIS STORY from the moment I first heard about it. From the moment I saw that supposed threatening letter I had my doubts, because it reminded me of that swastika Morton Downey Jr. drew on his face back in the day when he said he was attacked by neo-Nazis. You know: drawing with your non-dominant hand in an effort to disguise yourself. And on top of all this, the day he said he was attacked was like a polar vortex in Chicago and it would have been highly uncomfortable to even stand outside for very long without your lungs freezing. Still, I gave him the benefit of a doubt—but made a conscious decision to not comment on the story or even “like” or retweet or anything on social media because **MY OPINION ON THIS WAS IRRELEVANT**. And so now what you have is because it’s very likely at this point that he did this dumb shit, a number of conservatives are like: “no bias attacks really take place, they’re all fake.” But of course they do take place; it’s just that thing again with the human mind where it can’t hold two seemingly contradictory things in it at the same time. Anyway: F Jussie Smollett, he has just made life 1000% harder for victims of bias attacks; and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t give a shit because he’s most likely a complete sociopath.

Advertisers pull out of YouTube after pedophilia exposé:


But at least YouTube is squeezing the conspiracy vidders out of business, right? To me, it comes down to $. Those sketchy videos featuring kids—and I’m going to lump “Elsagate” in there with them—pull in INSANE views, and most likely ad dollars as well. Meanwhile, you know that most of the conspiracy buffs are not hedge fund managers or anything like that. So YouTube focuses on the conspiracy stuff, makes it so like if you look up “9/11 Conspiracy” you can’t find any actual conspiracy videos. As if something as big and fucked up as 9/11 wouldn’t have ANY conspiratorial component whatsoever. Meanwhile, I can look up “Spider-Man” or “Elsa” on the platform and start getting sketchy vids within the first ten results. Why is that? And this all leads to a broader issue that independent video makers on many topics—movie reviews, music buffs, tech geeks, etc.—are finding themselves increasingly “squeezed” by YouTube’s demonization & “copyright protection”  practices. There needs to be another viable video platform; the writing is on the wall.

Bernie Sanders For Prez:


Look, I “get” the argument that Bernie will split the voters again & then Trump will win. But here is the thing. #1, the Machine in place that pushed Trump for prez was in operation a good few years before the election; they had an objective and they went for it. But the Democrats are only getting their shit together on 2020 like one year before the new election; and I have no sense from them that they have a cohesive plan in place. #2, the danger with the mainstream Dems pushing back on Bernie is that they are going to essentially remove any idea of “socialism” from their platform to distance themselves from him. And the fact of the matter is, AI and automation is set to replace a metric shit ton of jobs within the next 5-10 years, and I don’t see any plan in place via the Dems or the GOP to proactively deal with this. Which means: we just might need something like Basic Income that looks like “socialism.” #3, I “get” that a number of the “Bernie Bros” were toxic & that there were misogynistic elements within his campaign; but Bill Clinton fooled around with his goddamn intern & the misogyny is sprinkled everywhere. It’s not just a Bernie thing. Anyway: don’t blame me, I wanted to vote for Martin O’Malley.

Chris Hemsworth Playing Hulk Hogan:


How in the hell is this controversial with some of the Hogan fans angry and shit? Hemsworth is, frankly, more than he deserves & will make him look GREAT. Where is the Rowdy Roddy Piper biopic?


When I Realized I Was Getting Older:



Harley Quinn Moving Out Of Joker’s Apartment Because Jared Leto Is Too Much Of A Jerk To Work With So They Had To Write Him Out Of The Movie Series:



So I had this dream last night…where I was working on some sort of project or movie and actor Sebastian Stan, who played the Winter Soldier, was there. And I think we were just about to kiss, but before it happened I did what any normal woman would do and really quickly (like Superman) threw on this Captain America costume. And we were like:


But THEN, I stopped and looked at Stan and he looked at me confused like:


And then I felt like:


True story, I really dreamt that. And it was weird because…I thought of myself more like the Winter Soldier. But Chris Evans is half-Italian, and you can really see in on him once you look. (this, I find, is a common thing with actors who don’t really “broadcast” their Italian roots too heavily; and I mean, with Evans dying his hair blond for Cap you can hardly tell)

Chris Evans: 1/2 Italian (you see it now, right?)


I gotta stay “real” with you, folks: if I can’t stay real, then why are we doing this?


Anyway: it is my birthday tomorrow, and I made the bold and daring personal decision to be happy.


I’ll let you know how that goes. Have a good Friday.

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