3.8.19: We Have To Go Back, Kate


Welcome to a semi-daily overview of the world inside and outside my head:

Picture of the day: 

Here is an image I blended this morning of Jack Shephard from LOST plus the Fool tarot card. I believe this is the final shot from LOST, the faithful dog by his side mirroring the Fool imagery. Jack is of course the Perfect Fool, setting out on a journey that begins with the ill-fated Oceanic Flight 815, continues on the mysterious Island, continues off the island, continues back on the island, and somewhere along the way hits a weird post-life/inter-dimensional hiccup that I never 100% fully understood.

My favorite Jack Shephard moment is “we’ve got to go back, Kate”—when, after all that bullshit to get off the island, he tries to convince the survivors to go back to the island. He’s just so…emo, messianic, obsessed, heroic, and utterly clueless.


Can you fucking imagine having finally gotten off the island and restarted your normal life only to have this Trent Reznor-looking motherfucker knock on your goddamn door and say:


And you just slam that door in his face and go:


Of course, in addition to resonating the Fool archetype, Shephard quite obviously is presented as a Jesus-type (or at least John the Baptist) figure (I mean, **shepherd**). This fits in perfectly with the super-Gnostic Philip K. Dick-type twist the series takes in its final season—a twist many longtime fans hated, but I ate up like goddamn candy.

Quote of the day:

“In particular, one must be diplomatic in discussing the future evolution of the human species.”
–Timothy Leary


Feeling sick to my stomach today, which is probably another reason I chose the main image for this post (with my faithful cat Annie playing the dog). It’ll pass, but it’s just like…I have SO MUCH to do, and my body is like:


I think that sometimes, we never feel like we’re enough—that we never do enough, that we haven’t justified our existence outside the womb enough. With me, it’s like I always play the role of my own mom and try to “mom” myself by assuming I’m a lazy goofball and that if I don’t constantly hound myself to get shit done, nothing will get done. The problem here, is that the phantom mom-tulpa that lives somewhere within my gray matter is not 100% wrong on this count.


Was going to run some news links, but I’m wondering if they should really get their own post. I mean…they are kind of for their own audience, are they not? I mean, like, tonally.

And then should I just separate some stories out in their own posts again…like this one about the Momo meme resurfacing with a Michael Jackson “demon.” That is some scary-looking shit. I mean, I wouldn’t even click the link to see this hideous thing. You’ve been warned.

Speaking of which, I have Leaving Neverland on my HBO app, but I don’t have the stomach yet (especially right now) to watch it. I don’t what I have less the stomach for: both parts of Leaving Neverland or four hours of Joe Rogan interviewing Alex Jones.

Like…I don’t care what anybody says about it: everybody fucking knew there was something weird between MJ and those boys he was having “sleepovers” with. We can COMPLETELY take the sexual stuff out of the equation, and it was STILL abusive towards these boys because they had to deal with the adult neuroses of this grown-ass man & have their heads fucked-with. Everybody wanted to believe this goddamn fairy-tale about a grown-ass man with extreme fame, power, and wealth who could share the same goddamn bed with these boys (and that part was reported as fact in the media waaaaay early into all this, even back when they were making Simpsons episodes with this motherfucker) but not have ANY carnal intentions towards them. “It’s like he’s the real Peter Pan! My faith in humanity is restored!”


At this moment I have far more anger at all the goddamn enablers and all the goddamn people in the entertainment industry who willfully preferred to believe that fairy-tale about their cash-cow rather than asking pertinent questions about his bizarre relationships with these boys. Because what good does me being angry at MJ serve now? The man is dead! 

And of course he has this legion of fans and cultists now who swear up-and-down that he’s innocent! TWO DECADES were spent in the media and pop-culture building up this messianic Jesus-like iconography for him. There are people who have literally spent their ENTIRE LIVES worshipping Michael Jackson—you think they’re suddenly going to just be like: “oh well, every single thing I believed in has turned to shit, lol!”


That’s why that whole “Pizzagate” thing frustrated the fuck out of me, because it almost felt like the type of conspiracy theory purposely used to discredit similar actual conspiracies. “Oh it’s not POSSIBLE that somebody this famous and revered would have done such a HORRIBLE thing!” Not possible??? It seems like the most NATURAL thing in the world! Haven’t humans in positions of incredible power and wealth been doing shit like this since pre-Biblical times?!

I had someone who had worked in production in the film industry tell me this once: that there absolutely ARE predators operating there, people in high positions. And the reason why they do this shit is (and this is exactly she said to me): “it’s the final frontier.”


Basically: you have all this $ and power, and you’ve literally “done it all.” And so you get bored, and you feel unsatisfied (because certainly you aren’t doing much in the way of actual soul-work or deep meaningfulness with others anyway). You’re looking for that **ultimate** high. And so then they turn to taboo-breaking.

Conspiracy theorists can talk about “adrenochrome,” and satan-worship, and the Illuminati, and Pizzagate, and all this shit trying to explain this stuff…but to me, what my friend told me made the most sense. It’s the fucking plot to Marquis de Sade’s 120 Days Of Sodom. You ever read 120 Days Of Sodom? Basically, you got these horny bored nobles all holed up in their castle and they’re like “IT’S SO BORING!!!!” So they decide to systematically break every sexual taboo that ever existed. And they start out “small”…and just keep going and going and going to bigger and bigger taboos. And they finally like eat their servants and burn the fucking castle down and are just sitting there gibbering in the ashes. And in-between there is just endless rape, pedophilia, torture, cannibalism, and etc.


So to me: that’s the primal, ancient impulse at work here. To say that MJ was this “innocent” who was abused by his own dad and just had mental problems is just not enough. Why was his iconography so elevated and omnipresent in our pop-culture? By people and organizations like Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Walt Disney, and etc.?

And then you have to ask yourself…what is the collective impact of elevating someone like that so high, and then finding this shit out? It all almost feels…ritualistic, in and of itself.


Have a good Friday.

4 thoughts on “3.8.19: We Have To Go Back, Kate

  1. Jared Jensen

    Your post makes me want to re-watch “Lost.” I loved the show and binged on it, but that feels like a million years ago . . . I can’t believe it debuted over 15 years ago now! I would love for someone with your “skill-set” to have a go at the show and do some analysis from an esoteric perspective. The little bit you did here was great!

    Liked by 1 person

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