4.6.19: I’m Curious To Know


“Those people have seen something. What they saw I do not know and I am not curious to know.”
–Albert Einstein

Welcome to Butterfly Language, a look at the world inside and outside my head!

Today’s quote, also depicted in today’s lead image, was allegedly written by Albert Einstein in response to a letter asking him about UFOs. Don’t have an exact reason why I decided to couple the text with my favorite picture of Philip K. Dick…other than that, perhaps, Dick was an example of a fellow who was extremely “curious to know.”

I was preparing my coffee with which to write all this about 30 minutes ago, when I poured in the milk and it landed to the very bottom of my mug with a loud =thud=. Not even a splash. Just: =THUD=!

Milk is not supposed to make a =thud= sound, and a quick examination of the container revealed that it had expired sometime last month. Since I purchased said container earlier today, a return trip to the bodega was required.

But now I’m ready to write!



13 years ago today, I almost bled to death. Not trying to bum you out—not trying to harsh your mellow!—but I do find that occasionally it is helpful to remind oneself of such things, to feel grateful and stuff like that.

Here is a picture of me sleeping, finally home from the hospital, after almost bleeding to death:



Basically, they did NOT give me a blood transfusion of ANY KIND, for some medical reason that I don’t remember. I was discharged from the hospital with a dangerously low amount of blood in my system, and had “raccoon” eyes, the pallor of a kabuki actor, and a really hard time catching my breath. This kind of almost killed me again, as the horrified doctor who examined me a week later noted.

But: I lived. And about 7 months later, my blogging career took off in a big way. All it needed was just me writing about how I almost friggin’ died.



Today I also unexpectedly received enough money that, in addition to this month’s Patreon funding, I was able to pay my WordPress bill that was due. That means: this site is “good” for at least another year. That, to me, is HUGE. I almost cried. Such a big worry off my mind.

I just want the material up here. To me, everything I’ve experienced in my life has led up to me writing this stuff now. It’s the whole point of everything. And I realize that I’m very fortunate to have the opportunity to do so, and I am also so fortunate to have connected with you readers. So: thank you!

I hope you continue to enjoy this rather long obtuse novel I’ve been composing.


RAWilson Fans has a “reprint” of an article Robert Anton Wilson wrote about Philip K. Dick in 1988. What a treat! The paths of these two great minds and highly interesting individuals crossed a few times, and I think an impression was left on each party.


Wilson writes:

If at various times Phil Dick thought that perhaps he had undergone a temporary psychotic break, after all, he also thought, other times, that maybe he had telepathically contacted extraterrestrials, or had gotten caught in a PSI channel through which Russians and extraterrestrials are communicating (without notifying the rest of humanity). He also hypothesized that the megavitamins he was taking in 1974 might have “blown a hole” as it were in the corpus callosum, allowing vast amounts of non-verbal data from the holistic right hemisphere of his brain to pour into the analytical left hemisphere, which tried to make verbal maps of a Noah’s flood of visual/transpersonal information that does not lend itself to coherent verbal description. (I like this alternative in some ways. The first maps Phil made of his experience were the maps a science fiction writer would naturally use in trying to define the undefinable.)

An oddity of the extraterrestrial hypothesis is that Phil specifically made the ETs denizens of Sirius when he wrote the semi-fictionalized VALIS. Make of this what you will. Phil never identified his “guides” with Sirius in any of his conversations. Nonetheless, I was having experiences in 1973-74 which, at the time, I thought were telepathic communications from Sirius. (This “psychotic episode” or transcendental communion with Higher Intelligence is recounted in my book, Cosmic Trigger.) Later, one psychic reader told me I was actually channeling an ancient Chinese Taoist alchemist; but another psychic reader told me I was channeling a medieval Irish bard. Growing less bold in my theorizing as I get older, I now tend to think, most of the time, as Phil tried to think most of the time, that I was merely receiving signals from the right hemisphere of my own brain. I still wonder about Sirius occasionally, however.

Of course…this sync between the two men concerning Sirius is the core of my article “Divine Invasions: Philip K. Dick, Robert Anton Wilson and Alien Contact In The 1970s”—one of the posts I’m most proud of.

And to me, there was no way I could have gotten to the point where I could write something like that unless I went through a near-death experience like the one I had in 2006.


Now, in 1996, my friend had a spontaneous “channeling” episode (if you believe in such things) in which she had the following dream/vision of me:

That I was a girl named “Persephone” who was completely pale and white…and I was bitten in the neck and completely bled out. The red blood covered me & transformed me into something that I initially heard Jess say as “Lamb”—which, given the symbology, would have made sense to me.

But, she insisted, it was not Lamb.

There was no “b.” It was Lam. L-A-M.

Lam. (AND/OR Lam.)

It’s my belief—and I fully accept the possibility that I’m just adding meaning to a meaningless set of random circumstances in order to make myself feel better—that this spontaneous vision Jess had predicted, in a metaphorical way, when I almost died ten years later.

But like I said, that could just be me trying to impose meaning on something meaningless. Or, to take a page from RAW—perhaps it’s just my right brain talking to my left, a corpus callosum brain-fart I briefly interpreted as “religion.”

And there’s an easy explanation for her vision. I mean, she was OBSESSED with Interview With The Vampire. The movie, the book, etc. She was obsessed with vampire imagery. So of course she had visions like that.


The only thing that still really creeps me the fuck out is “Lam.”


I suppose that’s my Sirius/Sirius RAW/PKD moment from all this.


Remember the good old days where authors like Anne Rice would flat-out have her characters gay/bi from day one, instead of this retroactive J.K. Rowling stuff?

One thought on “4.6.19: I’m Curious To Know

  1. David Davis

    Multi-faceted post but one part reminded me of acquired savant syndrome where a head injury is followed by extraordinary abilities that the person had no idea that they had. A single case, and there are a number of them in medical history, is all it takes to prove that we are all savants with hidden extraordinary abilities.

    Liked by 1 person

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