Welcome to Butterfly Language, a look at the world inside and outside my head!
As I’ve explained recently on Twitter, last year I “unpublished” a great deal of the posts on this site. At least 300 of them.
I did this because…I dunno, I wanted to “fit in.” I wanted to rebuild a career as a “vanilla” writer. If I ever truly had that type of career to begin with. I didn’t want people—my “peers” at the time—to think my interests were strange.
But instead of making my life better, these attempts at self-censorship seemed to make my life worse. 2018, for me, was a bear; and I don’t mean in a good way. My luck was so terrible that year, in fact…that it was almost funny.
Over the last several weeks I’ve rededicated myself to what I feel is my True Path…which is not always easy, often is terrifying in the sense of insecurity. And my goal, this week in particular, was to “restore” as many of those unpublished posts as possible.
And I did that all yesterday. Reformatting & republishing posts. And at the end of the day, I got an official stamped letter from the NYC tax peeps informing me that my massive debt was “voided.”
The thing is…it was receiving sudden news of that debt right before Christmas of last year (including my bank account getting seized) that was the “instigating incident” for the next 4 intense months of introspection—introspection that I had often did, “uncensored,” on this blog.
It was a true Chapel Perilous moment—a Dark Night (Dark Knight?) Of The Soul. But it was, in retrospect, really the best thing that could have happened to me. It forced me to face a LOT of shit. And as I said…it eventually put me back on the right path.
This all, of course, does not mean I won’t face future Chapel Perilouses. I’ve made big headway with my back taxes, but I still have a bit to go. It’s just that the most immediate crisis—a seemingly overwhelming crisis that I was dealing with for 4 months—has now been resolved.
Anyway. I just feel really grateful. And I’m never getting off this path again (except…when I do. And then I go back once again.)
Here are 50 posts I’ve just republished that you may or may not have read:
Various Rabbit Holes:
The Bruno Borges Saga:
Have a wonderful & blessed Easter, Passover, Pre-Walpurgisnacht, or just a lovely Spring weekend. And thanks for everything!