5.11.19: Into Thin Air

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“When you glance at that one ant in your apartment, watching it casually walk along your windowsill or tabletop…and that’s when your sight focuses and you suddenly see the others.”
—private journal

Welcome to Butterfly Language, a look at the world inside and outside my head!

On this day in 1996, what would be known as the Mount Everest disaster took place. Actually, the disaster slowly unfolded over several days—a series of minor errors and misjudgments culminating in a massive crisis as a blizzard struck during descent from the mountain’s peak. The 11th of May was only the apex of the disaster, the “reckoning,” if you will, when the full extent of the death and carnage was discovered.

When it was all over, eight climbers died. Outside magazine journalist Jon Krakauer, who was on assignment at the time on Mount Everest, wrote about the disaster in the following year’s bestseller Into Thin Air—a book, if you are interested in such morbid events, that is well worth your time & a stirring read.

***

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I believe I am a facilitator of other people’s visions and dreams.

I:

  • help them identify their dreams
  • help them make a plan to reach their dreams
  • see them through (coach) the process of fulfilling those dreams

And part of that is identifying why exactly they are doing this.
To keep their eyes on what is truly important.
To contextualize their dreams in terms of the whole of their lives.

“…faith incorporates the unknown into our everyday life in a living, dynamic an actual manner.”
—Thomas Merton

***

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Each unhealed imbalance leads to another one. Each one is a “mirror” indicating what must be healed.

Fear & paranoia drives us. But it is only to our detriment.

It is not “negative vibes” that attracts negativity—but rather our inherent feeling of worthlessness which pushes good things away.

We attract what we “protect” ourselves against. The key is the word “against.”

“A great deal of what people say, think, or do is actually motivated by fear, which of course is always linked with having your focus on the future and being out of touch with the Now. As there are no problems in the Now, there is no fear either.”
—Eckhart Tolle

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I’ve come back to a more “shamanic,” intuitive place with my writing here. I never “plan” it as such. I don’t know if it’s even adviseable—but in the end it has to be a thing that gives me a certain sense of satisfaction and peace.

When you put out a “call” to the Universe…even in a small way…it sometimes does respond. Like yesterday I woke up and took an early morning walk and thought: “I really want to devote a chunk of the rest of my life really studying the Beats—the “Beat Generation” writers of the 1950s. And later that day I went to a free book swap library in an area I only infrequently haunt—and find a nice copy of Charles Bukowski’s Ham On Rye. An absolute classic. I remember my stepdad had a copy of this. And it was definitely on my list of books to read.

And Ham On Rye is basically an autobiographical tale of Bukowski’s upbringing—just very straightforward and sometimes brutal.

“I saw another one of those big black spiders. He was about face-high, in his web, right in my path. I took my cigarette and placed it against him. The tremendous web shook and leaped as he jumped, the branches of the bush trembled. He leaped out of the web and fell to the sidewalk. Cowardly killers, the whole bunch of them. I crushed him with my shoe. A worthwhile day, I had killed two spiders, I had upset the balance of nature—now we would all be eaten up by the bugs and the flies.

I walked further down the hill, I was near the bottom when a large bush began to shake. The King Spider was after me. I strode forward to meet it.”

***

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***

Bukowski was plagued with a skin condition throughout his youth, and he always felt really really ugly. Much, much later in his life—well into middle-age—he finally became a successful writer. And then all these women wanted to fuck him. But of course…he was already fucked up by his earlier experiences. And so while he was famous, and while he had all these interesting young artsy women who wanted to have sex with him…he was fucked up.

***

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Have a good Saturday.

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