Instant Replay Part 2: Forbidden And Sacred Stories


Welcome to another installment of my “secret” blog posts from last year. This time we’re gonna take a look at such diverse and stimulating topics as The Shadow Asshole, the “New Civil War,” Homicidal Maniac Stan Laurel, the secret relationship between classic movie actors Anthony Perkins and Tab Hunter (and how Perkins “solved” this situation), cranky Spider-Man creator/Ayn Rand-loving artist Steve Ditko, know-it-all New God/angel Metron/Metatron, and the head of Horus!

Right. Let’s get to it!

7.4.18: To Smite Or Not To Smite


I started the week with this super-religious dream about the issue of “forgiveness.” And the details of the dream involved an asshole celebrity, and how I initially confronted him about his assholeness but then this sort of “white light” got ahold of me and I started forgiving him on behalf of “the blood of Jesus Christ” and all this religious stuff spewing out of me that I would normally never say; sending this white light to his head from my hands.


And the dream perplexed me, and challenged my way of thinking. Because I really disliked this particular celebrity, and I would NEVER never never never have reacted that way to him normally, much less invoke “Christ.” But it seemed to underline the issue of forgiveness, and the question of whether we should forgive people we consider to be assholes.

I used to be all sugar and light about this subject until I forgave too many assholes who went back and fucked me over all over again. Like: I used to be very traditionally religious—not because of my parents, who were only nominally so, but because I honestly liked religion and God and all that. And somewhere along the way, I just got so angry that I stopped forgiving, and really saw the whole “divine mercy” thing of Christ and etc. as just being a way to keep people in line & not much more than that.


I mean, what is Anton LaVey’s “take” on “turning the other cheek?” Something along the lines of “smiting” the other person. If somebody hurts you, you come back on them in full fury.

The problem with that, of course…is then you generate more karma for yourself, and keep yourself locked in this cycle. Though at least you don’t feel like you’re a sucker or a mark or a rube or what-have-you. And if you smite the party really good, they won’t come back for seconds.


But I suppose the larger, more esoteric meaning of “turning the other cheek” and forgiveness—per Christ—is that if we don’t forgive, then we are denying the reality that All is One. We are denying the reality that this asshole comes from the same Source as us, and that in a sense we are them and the reverse.

(That: this perceived “assholeness” on the part of the other person is just a reflection of our own “shadow-asshole” quality.)

And by denying to ourselves that All is One, we set ourselves up for this “separation” of ourselves from All. We say, instead, “I am only of this portion of Source.” Well, that can’t be because Source is infinite. Or we say “Source is only people with my beliefs; everyone else are devils and not part of Source.” Well, according to your logic Source is not infinite, then; your omnipotent God is not omnipotent because he/she/it either isn’t in control of the whole universe or made a mistake.

All this esoteric philosophy doesn’t make it necessarily easier for me to forgive, and I also don’t believe somebody should feel like they “should” forgive when deep down they’re not really feeling it. (Forgiveness needs to come about organically.)

But obviously, this dream I had was meant to highlight this issue. And maybe now is really the time to tackle it; because I know I have a lot of spiritual growth I need to do, in order to really “level up.”


I had a bunch of other things to write about, but I’ll just leave it here for now. Have a good Independence Day.

7.5.18: Meanwhile, Back In The 3-Dimensional World…


So the “New Civil War” Alex Jones promised the Democrats would launch on July 4th didn’t happen. I know, I know: what a waste of an excellent branding opportunity! You can see it now, the unfurling graphic splashed across various newscasts: “The New Civil War.”


Who would want such a thing, outside of the usual cranks? The media, pundits, politicians. Anybody who benefits from partisan ideologies and sensationalistic news stories.

The corporations can benefit too, to an extent…because divided people are less likely to collectively bargain. If you are in the midst of a “New Civil War,” it’s easier to convince workers on the conservative end of the spectrum that any protections the government or unions might provide them are just evil socialism. You can convince people to actively work against their best interests—you know, for the “cause.”

Whereas in reality, in the 3-dimensional world outside of the online filter, I believe the majority of people—of all races, genders, nationalities, and so on—do not want a New Civil War. Instead, they are concerned with just trying to get along with one another, maintain a job, take care of a family, and, in the middle of all of that, possibly achieve a little bit of personal self-actualization.


In light of all this, I found Joe Rogan’s recent response to Jones’ attack on him very interesting. Rogan didn’t attack back, but rather said instead (to paraphrase) “I love Alex, but sometimes he says some really silly shit.”


Rogan went on to define his attitude towards conspiracy theories, which was that they can sometimes be fun to explore, but then can get “not fun.” He maintained that if you are going to publicly declare something like the Sandy Hook massacre was a hoax, you better be damn sure of your information—and also specified between “conspiracy theory” and “conspiracy fact.” [EDITOR’S NOTE: YOU CAN READ MY OWN “BREAKDOWN” OF THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF CONSPIRACY THEORIES HERE]

He pointed out that the latter category, Conspiracy Fact, encompassed a vast treasure trove of fucked-up stories for the conspiracy junkie to read up on and bask in their paranoiac glow; many of these stories contained in history books and other “legit” sources.


Rogan sounded so much like a rational critical thinker in his response to Jones, in fact, that I wondered if a coordinated bot attack on behalf of any number of shadowy interests needed to be in order with the purpose of smearing him as a “New World Order” shill. [EDITOR’s NOTE: THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE NOW WHO SAY ROGAN IS A SHILL, AND ALSO THAT HE’S A DANGEROUS ALT-RIGHT TYPE AT HEART. WHO THE FUCK CAN KEEP UP WITH IT ALL???]

That most dangerous of all creatures: the critical thinker.

I wouldn’t be surprised at all if part of Rogan’s expanded view was the result of his use of psychedelics; as Bill Hicks had, more than twenty years ago, attributed his own wider consciousness to the same thing.


Now that we have given Critical Thinking and rationality a thorough hand-job, let’s go down the rabbit hole once again and explore something that, on the surface, sounds completely batshit insane: the theory that 1950’s legend James Dean didn’t die in a car accident as officially reported, but rather lived to either a) be in his 90s in an obscure Canadian town or b) was horribly disfigured in said crash but lived for six more years in hiding.


This was initially brought to my attention via the rapturous “Blind Items Revealed” holiday bonanza provided to us by the gossip site Crazy Days And Nights on July 4-5th (Your mileage will vary as to whether proclaiming a blind item as finally “revealed” has any real validation in the three-dimensional world.)

In addition to the Dean item, the site also took the opportunity to reveal such “old Hollywood” bombshells as Stan Laurel was a homicidal maniac and murderer.

That’s Stan Laurel, from the beloved comedy team of Laurel and Hardy.


Anyway, here is a snippet of the CDaN version of the Dean “death hoax” story, in which he secretly lived in Canada and only died recently (in another auto accident, yet!):

It was not until the last week of April that I was told the secret and that it was OK to talk about it now because the subject of the secret had been killed in an auto accident. That was kind of fitting considering that is how he “died,” the first time. He was A+ list that first time. The entire world loved him and adored him and he hated every second of it. He wanted no part of it. So, with the help of a police chief who thought the world of him and a rival studio head who was willing to do anything to not watch those big box office numbers he put up, they got to work. The studio chief got some set designers and stunt people and they created a car wreck. The police chief donated a body from the morgue no one was going to claim so they could bury a body and it was all set…

To be sure, this all sounds like…well, you know


But here is a link at least “verifying” that an auto accident recently took place involving a man in his nineties in an area specified in the original rumor.

Now, this National Enquirer article also claims that Dean had survived the crash—but his face was horribly disfigured and lived for several more years. As with the CDaN story, there was also a body-swap at the morgue.

This leads me to this photo I found while doing research for a post on the unlikely (and short) friendship between TV horror host Vampira and Dean. It’s of Vampira at a costume party shortly after Dean’s death with a friend dressed as Dean…with bandages covering his entire face:


What if it was really reflecting the true story of what was really going on? That Dean had gotten his face destroyed in a crash and it was covered up by the studio?

Or: what if the real truth is somewhere between the CDaN and National Enquirer stories?

See, as Rogan noted, conspiracy theories can be “fun.”


7.7.18: Keeping The Peas And Carrots Separate


Was looking over some of the channeled material I have from the past years. Some of it seems like pretty…controversial stuff, even to share within a small group. We sometimes forget how lucky we are in this current era to have the ability to share this information at all without getting immediately throttled & killed and & etc.

This is why I say again & again: there is something patently bizarre about our current era, to the point where I sometimes (just for shits and giggles) entertain the notion it’s all some sort of controlled environment or “simulation.” For most of recorded human history (and probably earlier though I do not discount the possibility that far earlier in human history we were significantly more advanced than we are now), if you uttered something that was counter to the prevailing dogma of the tribe, you would get your ass killed.


But now, we pass around PDFs containing the hidden knowledge of the world around the internet like they were Pokemon cards. It’s only been a hundred years (and most likely less) since one could even contemplate having the freedom to say and write and disseminate this shit in public without getting immediately throttled/killed. A century or less: the thinnest slice of the overall pie of humanity that we can think of.

Isn’t that…strange? Isn’t it strange that we are living here right now, able to do this? Why did our souls pick this time to incarnate? What was the purpose? Why is this all happening now?


I’m going to shift gears and briefly talk about someone who recently died: Steve Ditko, the co-creator of Spider-Man and Dr. Strange. (You can be sure he never saw anywhere near the financial compensation he deserved for such a contribution to the world. No, only the fast-talking business-types get that.)

After his mainstream comic career was over, Ditko split his career between two things: his commercial work, and his personal work. And his personal work was essentially writing & illustrating comic books based on the philosophy of Ayn Rand—which, as you can quite imagine, made him quite popular.


Ditko had a reputation of being somewhat of a crank and a kook, based quite a bit on his Rand obsession. I always respected him, however, for not only taking his own path, but consistently maintaining a “mundane” career to keep himself afloat. He’d draw children’s books based on toy lines and comics starring WWF wrestlers; before he had created Spider-Man, he had been a fetish artist for various adult publications.


It was OK for him to work on these types of jobs: because they were just jobs. They weren’t anything representing him as a person, the real him. (Though for all I know, maybe he really was into the fetish stuff.)

the “acceptable,” goofy “Marvel Bullpen” Ditko
the “unacceptable,” creepy Objectivist Weirdo Ditko

When my bosses sent me across town to hand-deliver a Batman script to Ditko many years ago, I caught a fleeting glimpse of his face through the 3 inches of office door he opened to slip his hand through. Later that day, he called to say that he had to turn down the assignment, because it involved the supernatural and that went against his Objectivist beliefs. (Yes, this is the same guy who co-created Dr. Strange!)


He wasn’t going to take a job that wasn’t strictly “commercial” (it was for an “artsy” publication celebrating old-time artists and writers) if it was going to not present him and his beliefs in an authentic manner. His Work and Personal worlds had to stay separate.

And I was thinking about this a lot today because I largely feel the same way. I love taking on “commercial,” mundane assignments; because I know what’s expected of me, and I just do it. It’s not like being hired to be “myself” and then being told “be less yourself,” you know what I mean? I did that shit for years; it was miserable. Always people wanting me to be someone I was not; but at the same time, wanting me to “present” as if I was authentically “me.”

You know, I have two sets of clothes in my closet: work stuff, and “me” stuff. And even a portion of what would be classified as non-work stuff are still on the work stuff side. And I’m fine with it; I’d rather keep the peas and carrots separate on my plate.

Anyway,  I’ve always loved this Ditko panel:


7.8.18: Metron And Metatronthinker-metron.jpg

One of the big topics for me, for several years now, has been human evolution.

The fact is, many humans do not want to evolve. And why should they? Would our mammal ancestors have “wanted” to evolve, given the chance to articulate their feelings on the matter?

Some humans do want to evolve, and you know them when you meet them or hear/read what they have to say. They come from every race, creed, nationality, religion, and etc.
The humans who are willing to evolve are often persecuted by those who do not want to evolve. That is the whole Jesus gambit, but we see it also in any number of movie/TV/comic book/video game narratives.

A source for many of the current conflicts is this clash between humans of different evolutionary levels.


” I have no link with the Old Gods—or New!! I am something different! Something that was unforeseen!!— On New Genesis—or here!!”
–Metron, “The New Gods” #7

One of my favorite comic book characters is Metron, from a group called The New Gods. He is hyper-intelligent and observes the world from his “Mobius Chair.” He can surpass time and space and observe all worlds in all eras.




I haven’t read these comics in at least two decades, but the impression I always got from Metron was that he was a bit of a…smug knowitall somewhat out-of-touch with actual Life. And needless to say, a common trope in some of these stories is for Metron to have his ass handed to him.

If the name “Metron” sounds familiar, it’s because there is of course an Archangel named Metatron; I doubt that Jack Kirby, who created Metron, was unaware of this connection.
If we didn’t have “trashy” pop-culture like comic books over the last century, would such ancient ideas have still made their way to the masses in such an efficient fashion?


Well, that’s enough ideas & thoughts for today. Have a good Sunday.


7.9.18: The Archons Won’t Waste Time


“In fact, I believe my whole body of work—my whole life —has been an unconscious effort to somehow overcome my fears and reach back to the secret school…”
—Whitley Strieber

And so basically, my “instructions” as regards to said website was just to keep it very “loosey-goosey” and organic.

And part of that is because it all really doesn’t matter; and also because it does really matter.


It feels like everything out there, in the media, even within the larger streams of our social media “peers”…it feels so structured. It feels so deliberate.

You know, I’ve worked in media/entertainment a long time…there are good things to be found in all that noise, sure…you can find personal, idiosyncratic stuff that means a lot to you. It’s Philip K. Dick’s old thing, you know: the idea that you find the treasure in the trash, because nobody would know to look there. The treasure was hidden deep within the trash so the Archons wouldn’t get to it and fuck it up (though, to be sure: once the treasure has been found & widely disseminated, the Archons will indeed waste no time fucking it all up).


Anyway; I really do want to be *real*. But I also think the idea—largely pushed by social media/Internet—that we can be real all the time to the entire world and that it totes is going to work out (and that if it doesn’t work out, we are “owed” for it to work out)…it feels a little unrealistic to me. Especially if your ideas are really outside the norm. This is not to say that your ideas *shouldn’t* be outside the norm; indeed, you may be somewhat a bit more evolved than your detractors. But I go back to that thing I wrote yesterday about how only a century ago they were still killing people for passing around the forbidden books and so forth.


I’ll share my info with a small pool of people who are ready for it; but that’s all I really have the inclination to do at this point. The way I figure it, the right people will find this stuff because that’s the way the Universe always works out anyhow; nothing, ultimately, wasted or lost. It all gets sorted.

A while ago I wrote this thing on an index card for myself, called “7 Things To Remember.” I sort of made it all up, but I also of course culled it from a lot of esoteric teachings & whatnot.

7 Things To Remember:

1.Focus on right thought and right action.

2. Do not focus on ego-centered dramas.

3. Check that goals come from a place of generosity, not selfishness.

4. Focus on connection with others—even strangers.

5. Follow your intuition.

6. Pay attention to what gives you high/low energy.

7. Think of the bigger picture.

I occasionally forget these 7 things. A lot. But that’s why I have the index card 🙂 Have a good Monday.


7.9.18 Addendum: The Alien Sex Sync, And Even MORE Secret Stories


The idea of “time ending” is a mental construct, first and foremost. It starts with a change in our perspective. It’s when we begin to truly realize that what we think of as time is just a matter of perception.

I ride on this subway to work, but in a sense it is me riding on all the subways I’ve ever rode on.

I experienced a clusterfuck of events (financial, etc.) since early Spring. And it all sort of added up to me, a month ago, getting ready to move out of Brooklyn. I threw out a massive amount of shit, had made arrangements to temporarily board my cats, and was literally ready to move out of state.


I was so sure I was to immanently leave Brooklyn that I even threw out my yoga mat. Because my yoga mat wouldn’t fit in my luggage.

But now, inexplicably, I’m still in Brooklyn, in yet another re-cycle. In fact not only am I still in Brooklyn, but I am far deeper within Brooklyn than I had any original plans to be.

How did this all happen? What was the point of all this drama? And why do I feel as if I’m replaying events a decade or more earlier?

This level of self-awareness is the result of my sense of “time” starting to be challenged. There is a scene in one of the “Nightmare On Elm Street” movies in which this young couple run into (or out of) a car or something…then subtly, the exact scene replays. And then it replays again. And again. Finally, they realize what is going on; they are in a loop; they are in a dream.


It all doesn’t even have to be esoteric. We could strip the theoretical metaphysics from this and see it all as simply a Life thing.

Here is a recent synchronicity:

I received an email on Saturday from a person I haven’t heard from in a long time about this book proposal on alien sex—a topic which I had just wrote about in the Kyle Odom post earlier that same day. He didn’t know about my new site, didn’t follow my site, it’s just a coincidence he contacted me with this the same day.

In the book proposal he sent me, it even had pictures I had found earlier that day on Google as I was formatting the Odom post. A dude having sex with an alien tentacle monster, stuff like that.


Now, the day before this sync, I randomly saw online the cover of a book called, literally, “Alien Sex,” that I used to own like 20 years ago. It was a compilation of short stories from sci-fi writers. Had completely forgotten about that book until I saw the cover.
The night of the initial sync, I randomly watched a recap of an old Saved By The Bell episode featuring one of the characters being dressed up like an alien. There was a particularly creepy scene where he “ripped” off his human face (which had bad unconvincing green “alien” skin paint), to reveal a hyper-realistic “alien grey” face under it.


Now: this cluster of syncs could have taken place without a real “reason”—they simply could have resonated with each other in a chain reaction, starting with seeing the initial “Alien Sex” book, and so on.

But these resonances do happen!

Here’s another one: yesterday, I dug out an old story of mine that I hadn’t worked on in over ten years. I read through it, spontaneously decided to change who the original killer was to a different one I had specifically based on actor Tab Hunter (it was an “Old Hollywood” type story).


So basically this guy was the “good guy” in the original story, but now he’s the murderer. This essentially changes the dynamic of the ENTIRE story, but that was the thing that spontaneously popped into my head.

That night: Tab Hunter dies!


It’s shit like that man It never fucking stops

Lastly, I should really, very briefly, tell you the story—the real story—about Tab Hunter.

Tab Hunter was an early 1960s “golden boy” type actor who had been secretly dating “Psycho” star Anthony Perkins.


That type of relationship, of course, was strictly verboten in those times, and so they had to keep it extremely closeted.




Perkins sort of never really got over Hunter; when he finally decided (at least for the moment) he was straight and ready to settle down with a nice girl, he picked one who sort of looked like…


All these weird rules Earthlings have for love, sex, identity, everything. I guess people gotta do what people gotta do.

Have a good evening.

7.14.18: The Horus Head Dream


“She’s got a hand on a wheel of pain She can talk to the mangling strangers She can sleep in a fiery bog
Throwing troubles to the dying embers”
–Beck, “New Pollution” (randomly playing as I start typing this)

This might be a long one, as I am catching up with a bunch of stuff over the last several days. This Wix platform likes to stop working without warning every once in a while, as part of its sexy plan to get me to purchase their premium service.

I’ll start with two dreams I’ve recently had:

The first concerns a generic young couple. The female has been doing all these highly occult things, and has consequently acquired—perhaps “stole”—a number of powerful esoteric items. These items include a glowing green pyramid and the entire head of Horus.



She believes that she can keep/hide these items in the glass-doored cabinet of their living-room. She nonchalantly stores these objects in the cabinet amongst the books and dishes and knickknacks, as if nobody would notice they’re there.

But her male partner of course stumbles across these objects in the cabinet, because they’re not *that* hard to miss. Not only are they quite weird, but they are glowing and humming and softly rattling the dishes and all that. Anyway, he pitches a fit when he finds these things, and starts yanking them out of the cabinet & yelling at her.

He’s like: “how could you do this?! what were you thinking?!” and “it all has to go back!”


But just then, this older archetypal goddess-type lady—sort of like Oracle from “The Matrix”—rises up through the floor and tells him they all have to stay right where they are, in the cabinet.


In the second dream, I purchase some “organic” and “pure” honey. The person selling me the honey insists that I have to take the actual bee who made the honey with me as well, so I get “the full authentic experience.” And I’m like…


But this person insists. So the honey-seller sort of hogties the little bee like a calf at a rodeo and puts it in my shopping back along with the jar of honey.

Now I’m kind of nervous, because I’m going home carrying this shopping bag with this clearly annoyed bee in it. And of course when I get home, it escapes and I’m like:


We can clearly see the energy of Horus the Child visualized in that recent “Trump Baby” balloon.


Let’s consult Crowley from The Book Of The Law for some commentary:

He rules the present period of 2,000 years, beginning in 1904. Everywhere his government is taking root. Observe for yourselves the decay of the sense of sin, the growth of innocence and irresponsibility, the strange modifications of the reproductive instinct with a tendency to become bi-sexual or epicene, the childlike confidence in progress combined with nightmare fear of catastrophe, against which we are yet half unwilling to take precautions.

Consider the outcrop of dictatorships, only possible when moral growth is in its earliest stages, and the prevalence of infantile cults like Communism, Fascism, Pacifism, Health Crazes, Occultism in nearly all its forms, religions sentimentalized to the point of practical extinction.

Consider the popularity of the cinema, the wireless, the football pools and guessing competitions, all devices for soothing fractious infants, no seed of purpose in them.

Consider sport, the babyish enthusiasms and rages which it excites, whole nations disturbed by disputes between boys.

Consider war, the atrocities which occur daily and leave us unmoved and hardly worried.

We are children
We are children.

How this new Aeon of Horus will develop, how the Child will grow up, these are for us to determine…

Please note: I can point out the Energy of the Age and its resonances and not be “endorsing” Trump or anything else. Trump is just one aspect of it, and it’s all on a spectrum. Michael Jackson was another avatar of this Horus energy, taken to the most archetypal degree in 1985’s Captain Eo.


This is the Glorification of The Child, the Sun card from the Tarot…


The “Space Child” (Moonchild) from 1968’s 2001 kicks it off…


But you can see it as early as the comic strip Peanuts (with its bald-headed Crowley- resonating Charlie Brown)…


And even Shirley Temple & Mickey Mouse…


And then we can swing all the way to this year and the child-star of the movie Hereditary


It’s the symbolism of the baby Jesus icon—Horus resonator—as representing this new Aeon, 2000 years before it actually happened:


Bring it all back to the central figure of the animated movie “Boss Baby,” a very specifically Jesus-resonating character…


Boss Baby, voiced by Alec Baldwin, who of course also plays DJT on SNL


Now, an interesting story that came out recently is that Michael Jackson’s former doctor accused MJ’s dad, who recently passed, of chemically castrating the singer as a boy.
If this is true (and it’s not the first time it’s been brought up) that means Papa Joe Jackson (resonating Osirian stern OT patriarchal Yaldabaoth energy) purposely kept Michael “young”—like the “castratos” of old—in order to essentially permanently embody this youthful Horus energy.


Now: Yaldabaoth is the artificer of the present reality—the so-called “Matrix.” He is the son of Sophia, and is her “mistake.”


Sophia must rectify the mistake by creating a New God, which is sort of like “birthing” her own self. It is her Self mixed with a male quality, creating a hermaphroditic god/dess.

This—in a sense—was the creature Philip K. Dick was herald to: VALIS.


I’ll leave you with another random lyric I’m listening to as I close this all out:

Like the legend of the phoenix

All ends with beginnings

What keeps the planet spinning (uh)

The force of love beginning

We’ve come too far to give up who we are

So let’s raise the bar and our cups to the stars”
–Daft Punk, “Get Lucky”

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