Ye Olde Comedy Hour

“Truth is weirder than any fiction I’ve seen.”
–Hunter S. Thompson

Trump on the verge of impeachment, the climate on the verge of Apocalypse, and the Joker movie’s about to be released.

What could possibly go wrong?

Doing my best Larry David

I first want to say how much in awe I am of the President for subconsciously reenacting the entire Nixon debac. You have to hand it to him–he really tried hard. Even hired the guy who had a tattoo of Nixon tattooed on his back:

But seriously folks: can you imagine if Trump was an actual competent non-crybaby leader like one of those great dictators of the past? A lot of us would have been dead or in camps by now. I feel like on the whole…we sort of lucked out!

Well…all those immigrant children lost in the ICE raids haven’t really “lucked out,” have they? You have to figure, when all the info comes out as to what really happened with that, it’s probably going to unfortunately involve some degree of child abuse. I mean, it doesn’t take a conspiracy theorist to come up with that. Or maybe it does. So you’d think the actual conspiracy theorists would focus more on this topic, the way they’ve focused on Pizzagate and etc. But they seem strangely more interested in “proving” why a 16-year-old climate activist is really “Nazi” propoganda. As if they actually hate Nazis. As if a good chunk of classic conspiracy lore can’t be traced to Nazis.

Why isn’t Greta Thunberg smiling? Maybe it’s because she’s the living embodiment of youthful Horus energy mixed with the vengeful Earth-Goddess. It’s the Universe’s way of informing us that we’re a hair’s width away from full-out Kali Yuga.

But let’s just face it: there is a percentage of the population with a solid deathwish who actually yearns for the Apocalypse and the coming of their particular Messiah. You’d be surprised how much of this point of view ends up rolling back to those aforementioned Nazis. And that’s where Trumpy comes in…they literally believe he’s the “trumpet” that sounds before the Apocalypse. I’m not making this shit up; I’ve spent many many years reading up on this bollocks, and now is my moment to shine.

Speaking of which, as I’ve said that Joker movie is just about to hit theaters. As such, I thought it was a good time to dust off and revise my “Year of the Mask” series, which is currently running on my other site Fantasy Merchant. Not to toot my own horn, but I pretty much predicted everything that went down over the last seven years. In fact, I think I may very well be a fucking genius.

A fucking genius

But I’m certainly not getting my props for being a fucking genius. In fact, I feel quite the opposite–victimized and oppressed by a cruel society who sees me as an oddball and doesn’t respect my true worth. If only there was a movie or an icon I could cling to that dramatized my own inner conflict in an exaggrerated-yet-cathartic way…

Oh, shit!

But seriously folks, the Joker movie wasn’t “meant” for my personal liberation. Because I have a vagina.

Vagina…it ruins everything, doesn’t it ladies and gentlemen? Dumb, stupid vagina flopping around, looking like a moist H.R. Giger sockpuppet.

As I’ve written before, at various times I’ve considered transitioning to a man. Anybody who truly knows me would not be shocked by this confession–and yet a number still are. Maybe I’m just confusing “shock” with “disgust-tempered-with-desperately-wanting-to-seem-progressive-and-not-at-all-disgusted.”

My mom’s reaction was the best, though…she begged me to just be a lesbian instead. Because that was at least “kind of normal.” I told her I really didn’t primarily identify as a lesbian, but she strongly urged me to reconsider.

Anywho, after doing a lot of heavy research on the subject (ie: watching YouTube), my position on the matter is as follows. It seems to me that in most (most, not all) of these trans male narratives, they identify as lesbian first. I differ from this. I actually am very much attracted to males. In fact, after watching all those videos, I found myself very attracted to trans males as well. Because…they’re males.

And I can’t think of anything more male than for me to purposely put on a persona in a desperate attempt to get laid! It’s like dudes who White Knight. I am the female equivalent of a Nice Guy, only instead of pretending to be a feminist I’m pretending my gender is inherently female.

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This strategy has often worked for me earlier in my life, though once in a while the mask would slip and I’d ask them about their Mego action figure collection or wear their clothes.

That being said, I did do some serious research (using a face app that no doubt is just a front for a nefarious foreign image-mining operation) to envision what I might look like as a male:

As you can plainly see, I’d be a complete baller. It’s almost painful for me to look at, as I mourn the obvious potential I had as a shit-eating arrogant asshole internet commentator causing trouble and streaming video game play on Twitch. The road not taken, I suppose.

Assuming I’ve by now made your boner go at least partially flaccid by conflating myself with a dude in an admittedly confusing (yet maybe strangely tantalizing?) way, I think it’s time to talk more about politics and the possible manifestation of the Eschaton.

Folks, I’ve said this over and over again to you on this here blog: shit is not only getting weird, but it probably always was weird!

It probably always was weird, Folks. In that sense, the older civilizations and even nomadic tribes of antiquity probably understood shit better than we do now.

To me, the fact that Garfield memes are even possible in our contemporary era means that humanity more or less has crossed some sort of developmental Rubicon. Our relatively rapid development as a species does not seem “normal” or “regular” to me. It just doesn’t.

And the concept of “conspiracy theories” in general seems to have gone “extinct;” rendered irrelevant per the current zeitgeist. There are facts; there are cover-ups; and then there’s weaponized wharrgarbl. Which is which?

And now for Weezer.

Related Posts:
You Created A Joke Religion And It Became Real. Now What?
My Life As A Hypersigil, Part One

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4 comments

  1. You are back!

    And once again putting into writing the very same thoughts I’ve had myself:

    “Well…all those immigrant children lost in the ICE raids haven’t really “lucked out,” have they? You have to figure, when all the info comes out as to what really happened with that, it’s probably going to unfortunately involve some degree of child abuse. I mean, it doesn’t take a conspiracy theorist to come up with that. Or maybe it does. So you’d think the actual conspiracy theorists would focus more on this topic, the way they’ve focused on Pizzagate and etc. But they seem strangely more interested in “proving” why a 16-year-old climate activist is really “Nazi” propoganda.”

    And this includes as well why no other “big thinkers” of fringe/esoteric topics on the internet haven’t pointed this out before. Which, again, is why you are the best at this stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You ARE a genius, and without knowing you in any way, I adore you. Thank you for your humor, your insights and for being. You make the scary realities slightly less scary.

    Liked by 1 person

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